Will we fear for change or embrace the ambiguity of opportunity? I have been stuck in a self-made dilemma, to stay home or move out… Much of my anxiety around the latter is tied to my perfectionism of wanting everything to feel right and look right to be the “right” choice, but my good friend told me, “Not everything that is right feels right,” and so I’ve been trying to embrace that. He said that sometimes you have to teach your body that it’s the right choice and live into that. Another thing he pointed out was that “If we all waited for things to feel right and were thrown a lot of challenges along the way, nothing would ever feel right and we would never make progress.”

One thing I’ve learned in therapy is that the hard things are usually worth it, it’s not necessarily because of just the struggle but because of what that struggle forced ourselves to reckon with-our own insecurities, fears, obstacles, social barriers, and whatnot. When we come face to face in the crosshairs of change we often have to reconcile with where we’ve been to get to where we need to go.

6 months ago I was in a residential mental health facility. I never imagined myself to ever be at the point now six months later picking out apartment furniture or planning out future meals. A year ago I was struggling with just the daily motions of sleeping, eating, taking medications, and taking care of myself. I spent very little time taking care of others because I was so sucked into the depths of my depression, but I’ve found myself being able to be present for friends and really show up for my family because I’ve taken better care of my health now.

After talking through things with my friend I realized I was living into my fear by second-guessing myself. There’s this really cliche quote that goes, “Never regret anything because at one point it was exactly what you wanted.” So even if I move forward with this transition towards independence, I might still be fearful, but to look into the eyes of change and say, “The only way out is through,” is a really radical act of strength. Change is an opportunity towards growth.

There are really big obstacles ahead of all of us in the coming months. COVID-19 is still as strong as ever, racism still is being weaponized, we have the upcoming elections, change is approaching so I will ask you this;

Will you fear the change or embrace the ambiguity of opportunity? What will you choose to live into? Which parts of you will you embrace? How will you hold yourself accountable to what you commit to? And when you have a change in heart will that always mean a change in mind? How will you make sense of these times? Who will you be when you need yourself most and when others need you?

Be well and take care.

Your friend,

Michelle